How did we survive?
At swimming on Friday, our 3 year old fell off the step. And the teacher didn’t notice until seconds later when I entered the pool area. He was stuck underwater, running in place like a slow motion movie. She pulled on his arm and he came up gasping for air, choking on water. “I told him not to kick his legs while he sat there,” she said. “He needs to listen.”
“He’s three,” I retorted. “You need to watch him.” Because what if I hadn’t walked into the room right then? Was that a lesson worth risking his life over?
He was scared and I was glad. Because I was scared, too. Kids don’t always listen. It seems they learn best through trial and error, and part of what gets you through life is luck.
We all have those near death moments where we shouldn’t have made it. For me (mom, stopping reading now), it was after watching the movie Stand By Me. In Ithaca, there’s a train bridge made of wooden crossbeams I’d always wanted to cross, and that movie gave me the courage to try. A train did come, its horn blaring, but I couldn’t run because I was hauling my bike (how could I explain to my mom a train had flattened it?). And the bridge had sides so I couldn’t jump. Did I mention my sister was with me?
But we survived. And when we got off the tracks, I felt the thrill of success: I had just beat a train, for God sakes, accompanied by the knowledge never to do it again.
And now, some days I feel so powerless as a parent. All you can do is warn, and still they kick their feet out while sitting on a swimming pool step.
So, please. Reassure me, because I’m not sure I’m going to survive as a parent. What moment did you survive?
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There are wayyyyy too many for me to even relate. Sometimes I look back on my life and think ‘How in the WORLD did I survive?’ And it’s because I know that God was holding my hand and keeping me above water. That’s the only explanation I’ve got. I look at the things I did, the moments that could have come out differently, and I just shake my head that I survived. Some lessons are definitely learned the hard way. And never repeated.
…the day I was able to breathe and say I raised four wonderful daughters!!!…they all came through the tunnel of life as strong vibrant women!!!…who could ask for more!!!…hugs…mama gray…
I have no idea how I survived childhood. My parents never knew where I was. At the young age of 3, in the old country, my friend Vovka and I would steal empty booze bottles from the passed out alcoholics near the general store beside our apartment building. We’d hide them under a shed and Vovka would later trade the collection to the Sharabara (old Uzbek guy pushing a cart of candy and cheap toys–Uzbek version of the Good Humor man) for goods from his cart. I would disappear for hours, exploring fields, getting into fights and trouble with other neighborhood kids. When we immigrated to Canada, this didn’t change. So long as I was around to help with dinner and back before dark, my parents couldn’t care less where I was or what I was doing. Lord only knows how many millions of times I could have been abducted and worse. Meanwhile, I have closed our entire urban yard off with locked gates and still feel nervous when I leave the kids alone in the backyard for 30 seconds while I race to use the restroom. Thanks to modern technology, we have so many fears and worries that never crossed our parents’ minds. I often wonder if our endless intervention with the survival of the fittest will be the undoing of this American empire. At the same time, how can you responsibly let go and let your kids make mistakes that could end up costing them their health or their lives? Parenting is so much more complicated these days!
Gasp!
It drives my husband nuts that he can’t protect the kids 100% of the time. But that’s not the way it’s supposed to be. Everyone has to learn. Sometimes he won’t even let them play outside because “something might happen”. Sigh. We’re working on it. I worry that sometimes he doesn’t let them be kids enough. He especially hates water.
And ahhh, to your Stand By Me incident. Loved that movie. “I dropped the comb.”
Glad your son was okay, you did the right thing.