Has your marriage made you stronger?

Recently I had coffee with a friend of mine who’s approaching forty and isn’t married. “I didn’t want to settle,” she confided, and I couldn’t figure out if she was implying I did. Which made me wonder: had I? Because Matt wasn’t who I expected to marry either. First off, he’s happy. Up ‘til him, I only dated guys who brooded like I did. And thought corporate America was a sell out.

I always thought I’d marry a man who completed me. Who let me be me. Who didn’t care if I left my clothes in a heap on the floor or forgot to pay a bill because he admired my creative spirit. A guy who would stand up for me because I abhor conflict.

Well, Matt ain’t that guy. He sees I’ve got two legs to support myself, and he doesn’t want my weight toppling him over (a great analogy by his mother).

I’ll admit there is something painful in finding your differences. But since Matt refused to compromise who he is for me, I’ve learned to stop looking for solutions to my shortcomings in others. Rather, I’ve built those parts of myself up.

And now I’m happier with who I am. Because happiness isn’t about getting what you want in life.

Happiness is neither virtue nor pleasure nor this thing nor that but simply growth. We are happy when we are growing. – William Butler Yeats

How has your marriage forced you to grow?

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04. June 2010 by Jennifer Jeanne Patterson
Categories: Marriage | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 3 comments

Comments (3)

  1. Stopping from Mom Loop! What a great lesson to learn! I love that you found the best in you and he brings the best of him.

  2. I totally love this perspective, and i agree wholeheartedly. Before I was married, I thought that my husband was there to do whatever I deemed important and that he would do whatever I asked him to do. That his priorities would be the same as mine and if they weren’t then he would change, not me.

    Oooooh, the things I have learned.

  3. I sometimes feel my friends have made a similar implication about me. Wondering if I have settled. It’s true we need to realize our other half is human too.

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