Does attachment parenting imprison mothers? And quesadillas.
Last week, while Matt traveled, a stomach bug whipped through our home. When stomachs settled, I packed our children into the car and drove to a nearby park, eager for fresh air.
As I sat on a bench while they played, I thought about how much parenting I did alone. And I considered what Erica Jong wrote in The Wall Street Journal over the weekend:
If there are other caregivers, they are invisible. Mother and father are presumed to be able to do this alone—without the village it takes to raise any child.
She asserted attachment parenting imprisons mothers, and I do agree that the exclusive nature of raising children today puts undue stress and guilt on many of us.
Cooperative child-rearing is obviously convenient, but some anthropologists believe that it also serves another more important function: Multiple caregivers enhance the cognitive skills of babies and young children.
But I still love to wear our babies.
I am glad for my friends, that they can step up when I need them. But I wish we all had more support. And felt comfortable accepting help when needed.
When we got home, inspired by Liz’s post about the amount of food we waste in America, I made quesadillas to use up leftover taco meat.
Quesadillas:
- Corn tortillas (most are gluten free)
- 1/2 – 1 cup cheddar cheese
- Leftover meat (think Thanksgiving turkey leftovers)
You can add all sorts of ingredients to spice up your quesadillas: scallions, cilantro, black beans, roasted red peppers, red onions, jalapenos and Roma tomatoes. But mostly we make ours plain.
Directions: Heat oil on high in a pan. Brown both sides of one tortilla; remove. Brown one side of other tortilla shell. Flip, layer on meat and cheese, and cover with other tortilla. Turn heat to low and cover for a few minutes until cheese melts. (They burn quickly, so you can also brown tortillas, layer meat and cheese between them, and then bake at 375 for 10 minutes.)
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I don’t think the experts know everything. Just because someone has done the “research” and has published a book doesn’t mean that they know everything. I believe it’s good for children to have one mom and dad directing their vision. developmentally children can’t process all the different ways to think about the world. Children aren’t children for that long and will begin to think for themselves as they grow. They will naturally start to question ideas and worldviews. We don’t have to expose them to every thought out there and make them determine what they believe by age 3. it’s totally acceptable (and probably less confusing) for them to learn one thought process with a strong and supportive community surrounding them.
If i choose to be imprisoned as a mother, then that’s my choice. However, in my case, I don’t think I do. When I need to, I wear my babies (because it’s convenient) and I ask many many people for help.
What do you think the experts would call me?
I loved this post for the thoughtful consideration it evoked in me as to how I felt about Erica Jong’s statement. I think it is just not possible to make true/false blanket statements about parenting styles. I have no doubt that Erica Jong’s declaration about attachment parenting is a clear truth, for her. If something feels like it imprisons you, by all means change it to fit you. Some mothers are at their best when mothering while working full or part time, and would feel imprisoned by a style of parenting where another mother thrives. We and our children will be just fine if we are doing what we do because it brings us joy, not because we are told it is The Right Way. Where we get into trouble sometimes is when we need to externally validate our choices by invalidating the choices of others. There is room for more than one correct approach.
In either case, the question of reaching out when you need help, or reaching out to someone who needs help is just a sound philosphy and practice for life in general.
Interesting topic! I agree with Lori above, parenting is not one size fits all so we just need to do what works for us. The quesadillas looks delicious!
I’ve only read the first bit of Jong’s article and have a feeling I’m going to write my own response to it. But so far, I’m thinking I agree with Lori Anne. There is no “right way,” only a “right way for you.” (with some exceptions of course, like giving your 2yo a cigarette or beating your kids in public with a belt buckle are clearly not right for anyone)
wish I had more support and lived closer to my family
I TOTALLY agree. We as mothers need to do what we can and make sure we do right by our own babies instead of measuring ourselves to someone else’s standards. If our children are healthy, safe, thriving and learning, and happy, then why does it matter whether or not we “wear” them or “co-sleep” or whatever else? It would be nice if we just supported our fellow mothers around us with encouragement because being a mother is a hard enough job without all of this extra stress.
There are times I consider my own parenting skills and think my children would be better off w/the village approach. All kidding aside, I think it is a benefit for all- parents, kids, and supporters. It nurtures viewpoints, new connections, and ultimately, some independence in our kids.